Ninety-five percent of Americans live within two miles of a cemetery or mortuary.
Most Americans use and value their brains -- the natural food of zombies.
Ninety percent of zombie related fatalities occur in the home.
The sad fact is that in this modern world no home is safe. However, when survival is a matter of a few minutes warning no family can afford to be without
Zombie Alert, by Onko, is the world leader in zombie warning systems. The patented cyclo-kinetic energy radiation server senses zombie presence up to seventeen hundred yards away and emits a shrill warning capable of waking the most sound sleeper. The links below contain the details about Zombie Alert and other products by Onko Enterprises. You owe it to your loved ones to take a few minutes and review this important information.
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[This bit of humor brought to you by Loris Productions. All claims about Zombie Alert are false, provided for your entertainment, and nothing is actually offered for sale.]