A FULL LINE OF ZOMBIE PROTECTION PRODUCTS

Onko Enterprises is dedicated to creating the finest in zombie protection for a full range of uses.  Thus, in addition to our standard residential detection device, we also produce zombie detection devices to fit the needs of all users.  Each product incorporates the patented cyclo-kinetic energy radiation server found in the standard residential model.

THE STANDARD

(Model 240za)

The "Standard" is the top of the Zombie Alert line because it sets the standard for all zombie protection devices.  Designed for home and office use, the standard Zombie Alert will serve the needs of ninety-five percent of users.  The Standard uses the patented cyclo-kinetic energy radiation server which will detect zombie presence up to 1700 yards away.  The inner workings are surrounded by a ventilated case made of space age polymer (the same kind used in the Space Shuttle) which will resist peeling and cracking for many years.  Powered by a simple nine volt battery, Zombie alert attaches easily to any wall or ceiling and will provide years of reliable service no matter how many zombie attacks occur.  The Standard can be yours for only three very reasonable payments of $39.95 (plus taxes, shipping and handling).  

THE INDUSTRIAL 

(Model 280za)

The "Industrial" is the Zombie Alert for the user with a special need to protect large areas.  It has a boosted sensing power that detects zombie presence up to ONE MILE away.  In addition, it has an extra powerful siren capable of being heard in the far corners of a corn field or over the din of industrial machinery.  No longer will you have to abandon playing children or half deaf old folks simply because they have strayed a few blocks from home.  The siren is so loud that its sound carries just as far as its zombie sensing protection. For the farmer, commune or religious cult the small extra cost pays big advantages in zombie protection.  The Industrial can be purchase for just four easy payments of $69.95 (plus shipping, handling, insurance, taxes and import duties).

THE PERSONAL PROTECTOR

(Model 240rolx)

The Personal Protector was built for those who want a full time personal edge in case of zombie attack.  Through the miracle of micro-technology Onko has managed to shrink the patented cyclo-kinetic energy radiation server into a hermetically sealed mini-case that can be worn easily on a man or woman's wrist.  The personal version can be set to either emit a subtle but unmistakable alarm or cause a mild vibration on the wrist. This enables the wearer to be warned of zombie attack while at a movie or drinking down at the tavern without arousing the suspicions of those around him.  When zombies attack the wearer can slip out of the area to get his guns and board up his house while those with who stay become tasty morsels for and a crucial delay to the living dead.  The Personal Protector also makes a wonderful conversation piece--the perfect ice breaker for those who have not only become committed to zombie protection but have elected to make extra money with a Zombie Alert Franchise.  The Personal Protector can be yours for just five easy payments of $79.95 (Plus tax, postage, shipping, handling, insurance, border bribery, dowry, and other international fees).

THE MOBILE

(Model 666)

The Mobile is for those who want to combine the advantages of the Standard and the Personal Protector to provide zombie detection at home as well as on the move. The ultra-durable Mobile attaches to your automobile like a standard locking hubcap.  It includes the extra powerful siren used in the Industrial as well as enhanced zombie sensing power for high speed travel.  It attaches easily to cars, military vehicles, RVs, motorcycles or mini-vans.  It makes your vehicle your first line of defense against the living dead.  Whether at the mall or just at home with your car in the garage you can have the confidence of knowing you are your loved ones are protected.  The Mobile is yours for six easy paments of $89.95 (Plus postage, UPS fees, FedX costs, taxes, duties, handling, storage, insurance, dowry, and closing costs).   

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And as always with Zombie alert you get the

$1,000,000 guarantee

Should Zombie Alert fail to operate in a documented Zombie attack Onko Enterprises will pay the above sum to the owner of the failed product.  
Please bookmark this page for further developments in zombie detection and other fine products from Onko.  Our scientists are currently hard at work on the Onko "All Natural Home Cloning Kit" -- Cloning the way grandma used to do it.  Available soon from Onko.

And please review these other fine pages from Onko